My sister talked about grief not to long ago. She mentioned in there how everyone grieves differently, so I wanted to touch on what I have been going through. This month marks 6 months since our dad passed away. And for me, every single day is a struggle. Yesterday I had made plans with family and all of the sudden it hits me, 6 months ago the greatest person I had in my life left this world. The person that I needed the most in my life was gone. Him and I always understood each other. He left me with this pain I can't even begin to describe. I have all this regret, and anger, and hurt, and loneliness. My emotions have never been easy for me to deal with in general and now they are out of control. And trust and believe I know the whole speal about how dad wouldn't want me to live in regret and blah blah. But that's something I have to deal with on my own. The month he was home, I wish I could have been there every single day, but I was a coward. I couldn't bring myself to say goodbye to my dad. I did end up getting up the nerve near the end but I never did get to say what I had wanted to say for so long. The moment he passed I believe a part of me went with him. I struggle daily trying to cope but I can not seem to get the heaviness out of my chest. Until a person goes through the same process of losing someone, you can't understand it. From the outside, it may seem so silly to be having daily anxiety attacks, depression, mood swings. There are so many things that can happen to a person while grieving. I had no idea that any of this was even a thing until I went through it myself.
Did you know?
Grief can cause inflammation
Grief can weaken the immune system
Intense grief can cause "broken heart syndrome" Yes this is a thing. It causes symptoms close to a heart attack, which obviously can lead to death.
Emotional pain activates the same receptors in the brain as physical pain which is why opioids seem to help with emotional pain as well.
Grief can cause mental health issues such as anxiety, depression, problems sleeping, and thoughts of suicide.
Now, taking some of those issues in to consideration, a person's brain can take a huge hit. Some of these impacts are things like; causing memory loss, loss of appetite, and extreme fatigue. For me, I have experienced many of the above. I stuttered for a bit and I have not been able to get a decent night sleep since. There are moments when I think I can hear him. Hell, maybe I can or maybe it's the lack of sleep. I know that it has not been easier coping with time, I know that I am not the only person dealing with loss. I pray in time that when I think of my dad that I don't think of regret or sadness and maybe I can smile in his memory. I hope one day the heaviness in my chest goes away. I wish I had all the answers but I am just trying to get through the day just like everyone else. I can share some things that have worked for me.
Talking about my dad
Looking at pictures
Listening to music
Cleaning (at really odd hours)
Gardening (oddly enough I just started loving this) I suck at it by the way, but it keeps me some what balanced.
There is no set time on grieving or no right or wrong way to deal with it. Everyone is different. But it is so very important to recognize the signs of major depression. If you are having suicidal thoughts please reach out to someone. I realize that my blogs have not been very upbeat lately, they may even be some what depressing to read. I apologize, I have been struggling a bit. This dam social distancing thing has done its toll I think. Anyways if all else fails have a glass of wine with a bestie and remember tomorrow is a new day. I wanted to share a photo of my dad and I.
